More Crying

posted on: Monday, October 8, 2012

"There's gonna be more crying..." A friend of mine that just had her second baby, weeks before me, forewarned me when I asked how her "Mom of 2-ness" was going so far. I jotted the note down somewhere in the back of my already full "momma brain." But, boy did it come back around to the "front row seat" of my memory, a week or two after Cedar joined us at home.

Kael only cried for as long as it took me to soothe him. Which, most of the time was instantly. Cedar, bless his loving heart, has probably cried more in his 4 weeks of life than Kael did in his first 6 months. Not because I'm neglecting him or letting him cry it just happens as I take care of two. Yeah, I might be exaggerating a little but, it feels that way sometimes.

I don't like letting my babies cry at all. They are babies and that's how they communicate that they need something. If I can soothe them, gosh darn it, I'm going to! But, there are so many pockets of time during my day when one kid needs something and I can't calm the other one right at the moment. Yep, my house or my car is full of cries and whines, several times a day. haha. Did I mention mister little bear has a love/hate (more on the hate side) with his carseat?  Oh yes. Kael always was silent and content in his... Cedar? Not so much. When I go to pick up Kael from preschool, or drive anywhere actually, it's pretty much a car full of crying, the whole way there and back. I can't pull over every 5 minutes to soothe him. When the reality is, even if I did pull over, the only thing that will make my sweet little precious calm down is to be in my arms and I can't do that when I'm driving. I have recently found that if I feed him good and long, right before we leave, it kinda drugs him to sleep. haha. Let's give a big gold star for boobies! Just recently he's started to come around to the idea of car rides, but it sure is a slow growing affection.

Slowly but surely, I'm finding my rhythm as a momma of 2 little boys, which is completely different than the flow Kael and I had together. Really, Kael is having to adjust just as much as I am now. Just like Cedar, he has to eat, have attention, have diaper changes and countless other things that he requires throughout the day.  As much as I would love it, his needs don't always come up at the most opportune times.  Sometimes, I just laugh at the ridiculousness of the moment, or...I join in with whichever one is crying...or it might be a cry fest of all 3 of us.

The truth is, when I'm 60 years old and my kids are grown and off doing exciting stuff, I'm going to long for even just one day that I have right now with them, cries and all. That reality pushes me back to sanity in tired moments. ;)

Aaaaaand, as I wrap up this jumbled post, Cedar is singing the song of his people, by crying quite loudly, as he lets me know that he desires my boob... again! Kael's volume is trying to match that of his brother, also letting me know that he wants more cereal and his sagging diaper is emitting an odor that the army could bottle up and use for torture. haha.

Here's to all the moms of multiples in the world!


PS -
I would love to hear tips and input from other moms out there. What have you found works for you, since you've had two or more in different situations throughout the day? (or night.) I find that gleaning tid bits of success from my friends has helped me so much and I know there are lots of experienced mommas out there.  

24 thoughts:

  1. Read your blog for a bit, but never commented. I have four, 8 and under. We tried really hard to include the other kids with the care taking of the new baby and that seemed to help a lot. Not that they can actually do the work, but giving them little tasks like get a diaper or bring a stuffed animal. Helped everyone to focus on baby instead of everyone crying at once. Sometimes it worked, sometimes it didn't.

  2. Hey, Jess! I recently became a mother of two so I'm right there with you, lady! A couple things that have worked for us: I carve out some time from every day to hand the babe to daddy and spend some one on one time with my big boy. It means so much to him and helps to keep me sane as a mother! In regards to the crying, it's unfortunately one of those necessary evils when you have more than one, but I like to sing to our baby when she's crying in the car and I can't immediately soothe her! It might be more therapeutic for me, but I like to think that hearing my voice lets her know that I'm there even though I can't be snuggling her! I absolutely love your blog, girl.

  3. Hey Jess,

    I've read your blog for a couple years now. My best friend first introduced me to you when she showed me your wedding video via Youtube. I've been hooked ever since! :) Watching your video's, reading this blog, and following you on Instagram. (I actually got to meet Sam this May, when he filmed the same friend's wedding!)
    Just wanted to let you know, you are not alone! I am a mother of 2 boys, 20 months apart. Aren't they the BEST?! :) I don't really have any advice...just complete understanding of where you are coming from.
    Thank you for letting us have a peek into your life! I've enjoyed laughing, crying, and praising the Lord with you!


  4. there is a bit of an age gap in my boys (3.5 years,) so my older son really took on the role of my helper very seriously when his little brother came along. my only suggestion for kael would be to every so often leave cedar with your hubby and go on a mommy/kael date. older siblings sometimes get lost in the shuffle when a new baby arrives, and i found that my older son behaved much better whenever we took out special time just for him.

    the first couple of months after my youngest son was born were very mentally draining for me. but now my boys are 2 and 5, and although there is still that gap in age, they are the best of friends. and it warms my heart to see them playing together.

  5. Hey, i have two little ones a girl (lola) who is almost 3 and a boy (ezra) who just turned one. I breastfeed my son i had alot of trouble with my little girl so that was a huge change bc it seemed like he wanted to wat all the time:/ what i found easy with meal/ snack time was to get lola all set up even if that meant ezra crying for a bit. Once she got set up with meal/ snack time i sat down to feed him. For house cleaning / laundry i put him in the swing or baby bjor and wore him while lola helped or played. I also found walking around the block every day calmed all of us bc days were harder then others and getting fresh air really helped us. Now that he us one and walking and she is almost three its easier bc we can all sit down and play / eat at the same time. Ha but they have there off days and iam still breastfeeding so it can be rough but u do whats best for your kids the older they get u firgure out what works best for u and your kids;) i hope this helps:) xoxo

  6. I love your honesty! Your boys are so loved and privileged to have you as their momma. Of course, I'm not a mom of two, but I know what it's like to have a babe that doesn't like the carseat. And the funny thing is, I always heard ALL babies love the carseat...not mine:) Jocelyn hated it most of her infanthood. However, she has improved soo much. Her pediatrician suggested putting different stimulating things on the seat, like pictures, etc, and that usually helps. It's hard to drive with a screaming baby, oh i feel you. Take heart, you're doing so great and i'm sure Cedar will improve in the car. :)

  7. Babywearing is the best tip! Also, remembering to stay calm.

    Personally, I have decidedly focused on doing/having/owning less. I got rid of a lot of junk and cut down on time spent away from my babes so that I won't feel so pulled during this time...if that makes sense.

    1. i've been baby wearing a ton with cedar, way more than i did with kael...but sometimes he doesn't want to be worn OR i can't tend to kael while wearing him...oh girl, that's what i've been wanting to do! i've been purging, getting rid of are so wise. love you! i need to get rid of more still, it will help my stress level i think.

  8. I was about to suggest baby wearing but I think the others have it covered! Just make sure you have a bit of time to yourself (a long bath etc) to claim back some headspace and make the crying a touch easier to handle.Rx

  9. "Cedar is singing the song of his people" haha I love that you put it that way. I love reading your blog! We don't have any kids yet, but I store little gems from you in my brain for when the time comes :)

  10. oh goodness...i remember the "new" days. my littles are 2.5 and 5 now...and sometimes we still have those today for example. :) when my youngest was *new*, my oldest was 2.5 and was really into "helping" mommy. so i would pretty much include her in diapering, bathing...etc...that seemed to help a lot. when baby was napping, i would be sure to carve out some time for big sister. also, nursing baby is a good time to read some books the other little. daddy also started doing daddy dates with our oldest, too. :) will get through it...promise! ;)

  11. babywearing saved my sanity transitioning from 1 to 2. I would back wrap my baby on my back in a woven wrap, and go about my day. I would be able to spend 1 on 1 with my toddler, babe would be asleep and on me and we'd all win.
    this video rocks

  12. You have to have a sense of humor. My boys are 14 months apart and we moved to a new state 6 weeks after my little one was born. (the whole thing is a slight blur now). I remember taking LOTS of walks around the neighborhood and I tried to have at least one of their naps sync to have at least time to take a shower or a nap or anything that made me feel less like a zombie. Baby wearing helped too but both my boys are not always fans of being in a carrier. Good luck it sounds like you are doing a great job rolling with the punches thus far.

  13. I've got 3 little ones, and while I did "wear" my first, it was more out of curiosity, the novelty of it, convenience for hikes, bonding, etc...But after my 2nd came, I wrapped him constantly. My 3rd is almost 2 years old and I still wrap her when the homeschooling time is starting to melt into a lava pit of chaos, or we're having people over for dinner, or of course, walking the dog, hiking, etc.

    So, yes, hear hear to babies and wearing them! I think my 2nd one lived in it until he was over 18 months old. I mean, to the point that we have less pictures of his face, and all of that. (We used to jokingly call it his prison.) The more you do it, the more they love it. Check out and learn a good cross front carry and then later, a back carry. (Perhaps you already know them, but practice, get it down pat, and it'll save your life. Your baby will fall asleep while you're wrapping him up.)

    And yes to simplifying.

    Also, you've got it with the laughing and breathing deep. That's our main power, I think, as stay-at-home parents: keep the perspective, the humor.

    He is lovely.

  14. I just read a blog post from about how she thought her daughter just wasn't a carseat baby but then they switched carseats and it changed everything. Maybe her experience will be helpful to you! You're doing great momma!

  15. Girl, I love your blog! Thanks for putting this out there....I've been reading through these wonderful comments, as we're about to have 2u2 in january! :)

  16. We are dealing with the crying in the carseat/car too. Our daughter who is 3 months now did okay with the carseat/car for the first month but month two came around and she has wanted nothing to do with it. The funny thing is though she can sit in her carseat in the house or in her stroller but as soon as it clicks into the base in the car she is crying like crazy. This past weekend we decided to add a few toys to it and it seems to help to distract her and she is self soothing a bit more now. I am hoping that as she gets older she will grow out of the car screaming. Best of luck to you!

  17. First of all I love your blog! You are the cutest! Congrats on two beautiful boys. I have two girls and at first it was very hard getting used to the whining and crying at the same time. What I did was try to handle the most important thing first. If the older one has to go potty then the younger one has to be put down. If the older one wants to color while the younger one is nursing then older one has to wait. If possible I try to do two things at once but that doesn't always work. I def recommend wearing your babe as much as you can. I love the Ergo, just got it for my second and it is wonderful.

    You all will adjust slowly but surely. You're doing great! I don't know what to say about the car seat maybe with time he will get used to it!
    God Bless!

  18. Can I just say that you have described my life perfectly in this post and some other past ones recently. There's always crying in my household too when I have both at home by myself. My little one HATES the car seat as well and so any rides to the store, etc are usually dreaded. Love reading your posts and knowing that there are other people out there experiencing the same things and feeling the same things as a Mom. Makes my household seem less crazy on those hectic days. I find having the baby in the wrap has been a life saver for me as well as just having other people come over to give a hand once in a while. Also, I have found that I have had to switch bath time on some days as it was just getting too stressful on days when my husband worked afternoons and I was alone with the kids. You don't know true momma guilt until you have two kids and realize it is physically impossible to tend to both of your kids' needs at the same time all the time. A hard thing to accept, but just the way it is I guess! So just wanted to say you are not alone, I hear ya sister! I keep telling myself this too shall pass, and try to soak up the good moments as much as I can!

  19. YES to all the baby wearing comments! such a savior to both get things done and soothe littles that just need to be held. you can even nurse as you wear Cedar once he's a bit bigger.
    My babe hated the carseat too. I did a lot of pulling over to nurse, but also prayed. I asked God to send angels to soothe Malcolm and keep him peaceful and safe. It helped!!

  20. Ohh, so sad. He'll learn to self soothe and he knows you're there. Hang in there. =)


  21. It must be really exciting and fun, but more exhausting, having 2 young kids. I only have 1 young boy so i cant give any tips. Just hang in there! :))

  22. You are not alone! My son was 26 mo when I had my daughter, and while she slept pretty soundly during the day for a few months, she turned into a light sleeper. So, trying to figure out how to get 2 kids down for naps at the same time so they don't wake each other up...well, let's just say I'm still trying to figure that one out, & my kids are now 3.5 & 18 mos. it's not easy & it sometimes changes every day! But I guess that will all change soon enough :)


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