Heart Thoughts on Motherhood

posted on: Tuesday, October 30, 2012


It's hitting me. The reality that this new, small soul is mine. Around 5 am, as Cedar finished up his early morning and very sleepy feeding, I couldn't put him down. My body longed for those extra 2 hours of sleep that I knew it would get if I laid him back in his co-sleeper. But, my eyes couldn't leave his face and my arms wouldn't let go. I sat there for almost an hour, staring at him and his dreaming smiles. I put my face to his cheek, as his tiny breaths kissed my cheek thinking, "is this love even for real?"

Now, when I nurse Cedar, he'll stop for a moment, look at me and smile. I can't help but soak up these moments. Every morning, without fail, his expressions are full of wonder. It's as if he realizes how long he has been asleep and he can't wait to have open eyes again, discovering exciting things like the ceiling fan and his brother zooming toys in front of his face. haha. He wants to stand up constantly, bobbing his head around trying to look ever which way. Ah! I've probably kissed him over a thousand times since he's been born, I can't help it. I've stood in front of my old, gold mirror, countless times as I've held him,  just so I could stare at his dreamy face, all smooshed up against my chest. These are days that I've been dreaming of for years. Sometimes, I have to stand back and acknowledge the moment before is passes by.

Samuel said this to me after we got engaged, "Let's promise each other that no matter what, we won't lose the wonder that we have for each other." That has been a pillar in my heart and it's taken weight into my momma heart as well. In the moments, when one child is whining and the other crying, where a shower is my only form of alone time and a greek yogurt in a nursing bra and yoga pants is my only real meal of the day...not to lose the wonder of my boys and wonder of being their safe place.

In weeks like this, when I've had bright days and cloudy ones, my heart is gripped with this truth, motherhood is a sacred and beautiful gift. It's a messy one, a painful one, it's tiring and beyond beautiful...it breaks your heart and then heals it. It has made me more alive to love and the beauty of vulnerability. I'm saying that in the "infant" stages, if you will, of my journey as a momma, knowing that I've barely skimmed the surface of what being a mom truly means. There are millions of moments that my heart has yet to experience, laughs it hasn't seen, tears it hasn't cried and wisdom it's waiting to learn.

I love being a momma.



23 thoughts:

  1. This brought a tear to my eye. Simply beautiful. This makes me excited for motherhood! You're a lucky lady xx

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  2. You describe in the best way a quintessence of motherhood. I think you are a great mom.
    Warm greetings :)

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  3. This post totally resonates with me.. Especially the part about a shower being your only alone time and eating a quick "meal" only half-dressed lol.

    My little guy is 6 weeks old and just started smiling. I melt.

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  4. Oh my, this is one beautiful post. And I'm not sure there is anything in the whole world that can compare to being a mother, and there are certainly no words to accurately describe the heart of it. Just lovely x

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  5. ...this is so true to every mama's heart. That truth makes it all the more beautifully written, thanks for sharing you heart, your home, your journey.
    Keep savouring those precious moments in the midst of the chaos! ;o)
    mel
    needle and nest design

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  6. You've just perfectly summed up what i've been feeling for my 4 week old daughter. She just gave her first smile yesterday, it was for her Daddy though, hopefully i'll get one soon.

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  7. I love love love this post. I actually referenced it my latest blog http://jackpjarrett.tumblr.com/ ... I hope that's Ok. Your words are so honest and you have so much love. Thank you for sharing.

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  8. I found your blog on accident. I'm not a mother, and I've got years until I will be-- I'm a college student.

    But the joy you have in life, your beautiful words and the perspectives you share seem to rejuvenate me every time you post. You are such a wonderful person, and I aspire to love as deeply as you do. Your continuous grace and care shine through these posts and really inspire me.

    Sorry if this is so bizarre to post, but I just wanted you to know that you are such a cool individual.

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  9. Beautiful words, photos, and heart. Nothing like being a momma!

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  10. This made me tear up and also get excited for these little moments of my own one day. You have such a beautiful family :)

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  11. There is nothing like mama-Dom :)

    Xoxo
    Allison

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  12. "...motherhood is a sacred and beautiful gift. It's a messy one, a painful one, it's tiring and beyond beautiful...it breaks your heart and then heals it."

    YES YES YES!

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  13. I don't quite understand this yet, but my heart longs for these emotions when our little one is born! I can't wait!

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  14. Thank you. This is spot-on. It's the wonder. It's so easy to lose when we are ragged and stressed and tired, but without it, there's nothing.

    Good job, with your boys. They are beautiful.

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  15. That was so lovely to read! With an precious 18 month old son, and another due any second ( literally, I'm overdue 2 days and only the mildest contractions so far..) , I am imagining what life will be like with two babies, and I hope I can enjoy and drink in all the gorgeousness of the first few months of a new life.
    It really just keeps getting better, to!
    I love boys!!! :)

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  16. Thanks for the reminder, I really needed it! I really want to remember these moments , I have 3 boys and I look at my 7 year old and try to remember him as a baby and it is hard! My 3 yr old and 9 month old are still fresh and I don't want to miss it. Help me God to cherish the gifts you have given us!

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  17. Oh, I couldnt agree with this post more! I just had my second child 7 weeks ago and I am consumed in my role as being a mother. While I love it still, it definitely isn't as magical as it was before. Having two kids, life just seems in constant chaos and I can't seem to find my own identity in it all. Thanks for your honesty!

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  18. What lovely words, words that I so relate to. There are moments I have with my two girls where I look at them, my heart literally with love. Motherhood is such a precious role x

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  19. Beautifully written. Words straight from my heart. Thank you!

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  20. The feeling of being a mother is such an amazing gift, and your words have brought the moments for me back. Thank you!

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  21. Such a beautiful post!

    I would absolutely love for you to link up at the Friday Baby Shower, a new linky party for all things pregnancy and new baby. Old as well as new post very welcome - Alice @ Mums Make Lists xxx

    http://mumsmakelists.blogspot.co.uk/2013/02/the-friday-baby-shower-linky-party-2.html

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