9 Weeks

posted on: Sunday, November 7, 2010

Káel is 9 weeks already. The past couple of weeks have been a turning point in some ways and a merry-go-around of beginnings, where I feel like I'm taking steps backwards, in others. Finding myself in a place of uncertain sleep, nursing ups and downs, motivation one day and complete lack there of the next, is an interesting place to be. But even though it can seem like a roller coaster at times, when I look at my little guy and see his little personality starting to shine through his eyes so brightly, and when he smiles the biggest smile back at me in the mirror, it brings me to happy tears.

Káel now sleeps a good 7 hours a night, which makes me feel like a happy human again. =) His favorite toys are, the giraffe hanging from his bouncer, his felted rattle from Asher Jasper and his Fisher Price vintage piano. Oh! And, he LOVES to play with his Luna Lullaby blankets, too. He gets SO excited when you toss one over his face, grab his hands through the material and say "Warm Hands!" He giggles so much!

Breast feeding is going OK. We decided to supplement with organic formula at night and a little through the day, on top of pumping and boob feeding. He has no problem at all going from bottle to boob, thank God. Some weeks back I was crying everyday almost, because I wasn't able to get up to speed with his hunger needs. I was so discouraged. I wasn't getting sleep or mental rest, which was making me half insane at times. I tried drinking water like a camel, eating enough oats to be Quaker Oats mascot and taking milk building supplements. But, it just never seemed to satisfy him.

I have a two month old baby boy, the size of a 5 or 6 month old. He eats ALL THE TIME and eats SO much! Supplementing with the formula has been a big help, as we work to build my milk supply up. But, I struggled so intensely when we first started to do that. You see, I had been a prego that said I would never do it. I felt like I was less of a mommy. But the truth is, it's good for him. He still gets my milk, as much as I can give him and he is one of the most loved babies on the planet! I have learned the hard way that, self placed expectations can so set you up for a mental "crash and burn" if you're not careful. He's recently been going through a growth spurt where he will scarf down 6 ounces easily. We worked up to that amount after realizing he wasn't satisfied with just 4 or even 5 ounces. "They" tell you about 4 ounces is about right. But that doesn't work for him anymore. Feed on demand and feed until he is happy is what I'm doing and I have a happy baby again.

Cloth diapering is more of an experiment right now. I'll do it during the day for a few days trying out the different types. Flips are kinda my favorites right now with our lifestyle. They are super easy for us and don't seem to leak or fit weird. Sam and I have decided if we can really get a good system set in place that we're going to do it. During our breastfeeding crisis I was like, I can't handle anything else. But, now that it's mellowing out-I'm starting to get more excited about my baby's hybrid-cloth booty.

Samuel and I are so in love with this little boy of ours. Gosh, I love him! I can't stop kissing his little cheeks.

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Káel's wearing Flip cloth diapers.

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18 thoughts:

  1. That's exactly how our breastfeeding story went. He would nurse for hours and never be satisfied. Supplementing a little was perfect and when I decided not to be hard on myself about it, everything got better. Looks like your doing great and your baby seems so healthy! Be encouraged Mama! It only gets easier from here :)

  2. Good for you Jess! You truly are a super mom and there will never be a doubt in Kael's mind that he is deeply loved by you! That is truly the most important thing you can give him and you do that better than anyone I know.

    I love you!

  3. katie-thank you so much.

    rebecca-i love you momma

  4. There are so many things I do that I thought I wouldn't do as a mama...but the verse, "love covers a multitude of sins," has been my great encouragement. We will never be perfect as mama's. Things like "having to supplement with formula"...or for me..."moving Adoration to her own room" (when my ideal was to co-sleep for longer) are ultimately inconsequential. Self-placed expectations can never compete with our imperfect, messy love. :) Love wins every time.

  5. I don't know your stance on it but co-sleeping really helped me with breastfeeding, Ocean now sleeps in her big girl bed until about 4 in the morning and then she gets in bed with us, she helps herself to my boob and I don't even notice. When she was a newbie sleep was never a problem with us since she was right beside me all night and I would nurse her and fall right back to sleep.

    Also, if you feel discouraged read up on all the benefits of attachment parenting, that always revamped my commitment and kept me going.

    Good Luck Jessica, you are a beautiful mommy and Im so glad you are committed to the best for your little munchkin!

  6. thanks kristina!

    mama mandolin-I KNOW! what the heck? it was the leading reason for me being so depressed whenever i would have my low moments. your story gave me so much relief, hearing another mom be honest about it. you and jen from jen loves kev really encouraged me to finally talk about it. to heck with expectations and disappointments. thank you girl!

  7. beka-thanks girl. We do actually co-sleep and i'm an obnoxious advocate for attachment parenting. i had nipple issues-that kinda hurt my overall supply at the beginning. but i love co-sleeping it's fantastic. the thing was he would nurse for ever then pull off crying to no end because he couldn't get enough out. he's been eating 6 ounces ever 1-2 hours. growth spurts to no end! haha thanks girl!

  8. Oh, how I want to meet that little guy!! And his parents again... Thanks for sharing Jess. I'm really curious to see how I will handle the first months:) And please let me know more about how the cloth diaper project is going. I so want to try it out!

    Love you!!

  9. Aw he is so big! :) Don't be too hard on yourself about breastfeeding - you've got lots of encouragers here :)

  10. I think you are doing a grand job - the both of best worlds - bubba gets boobie juice but you get the time to actually enjoy him without feeling like you are constantly being milked

  11. I'm a new reader to your blog :) so, hello. nice to meet you.

    Breast feeding is not easy, I ended up supplementing with my little one too. At first I felt SO GUILTY like maybe something was wrong with me. Or, I was giving up to easily, or I was even a bad mom (FALSE) But like you said, no sleep, on top of the battles of the boob = N E R V O U S B R EAK DO WN. That was the case for me anyway, and the more I get to know other moms the more I realize I am not alone. A bottle or two a day didn't hurt my little flower and it gave me a chance to regroup! Thanks for your honesty on this, I really appreciate it! :]

    p.s. 6 oz every two hours IS CRAZY! My 14 month old drink 16 oz!

  12. Nothing wrong with the necessary supplementation. I'm still breast feeding my 7 month old but it wasn't always a walk in the park and sometimes supp. was necessary to satisfy him and save my sanity.

    My son is in 18-24 mo clothing. He was in 6-9 when he was 3 months! So sounds about right! You sure have a healthy meaty boy! I had my own confidence roller coaster rides but from what I can see from an outsider perspective you're doing amazing. You're doing your best. Happy Autumn.

  13. leaf in the wind-did you stop supplementing after his growth spurts stopped or did your milk boast up? any other suggestions you would can think of? sounds like our babies are similar. :) i'll check out your blog right now!

  14. You've got the exact attitude that you need to have as a new mama. Because one size does NOT fit all when it comes to babies and parenting. You should hold your head up high, you're nursing and co-sleeping AND cloth diapering! Who says there's a protocol when it comes to how much or how often you do those things, right? You are a supermama, and you are amazing and wonderful....just ask your baby boy :)

  15. Hi Jess. I just recently found your blog and wanted to say that your son is so handsome...and you are a beautiful Mommy!

    We seem to have a lot in common! I'm a huge advocate for attachment parenting, enjoy co-sleeping with my little boy, use cloth diapers...and we've had the same feeding issues. Just this past weekend I started supplementing my son (at 15-weeks-old) with a few bottles every day. He was feeding for 30-45 minutes every 1-2 hours and ending the feeds upset and unsatisfied. Despite all that eating, he was dropping on the weight chart (from over 50th percentile to under 9th). He seems to be a much happier baby with a little extra help...and my stress levels have definitely dropped...although it did take awhile for me to get over the guilt and feeling bad about the whole thing.

  16. That little guy of yours is gorgeous! and those eyes... he's a charmer ;) you can tell that he's a much loved baby :) I so miss my siblings being that little.

    have a great day!

  17. Sad to hear that breastfeeding is being difficult! Have you ever heard of using Goat's milk instead of formula?? Most doctors will say not to, but unlike cows, goats digestive systems are more like ours. So the baby won't get constipated or anything. And it would be perfectly okay if you are just supplementing! I've known lots of women who use goat milk instead of formula!! Just a suggestion for you! ;) Oh and I love Grovia cloth diapers... they are the bomb!!


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