This week I had a wonderful time at my dear friend Jessie's house. We talked about mommy things, making time for ourselves and just life in general, as we enjoyed her amazing butternut squash soup...completed with a sour cream dollop. ;) Our time was simply fabulous. It was the biggest treat to have a hang day with her and her little crew of love bugs.
Many of you remember little baby Sparrow Song Mathis. She is the amazing miracle baby that was born with a congenital heart defect. Jessie is her mama. I've been posting updates about her sweet little self here on the blog and on Boho Baby Bump's twitter. She had a successful heart surgery at 4 days old and will be having another surgery in December. Sparrow is doing amazing and it made my heart smile to spend time with such a cool little chica.
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Sparrow's wee little smile will totally melt your heart.
Little sweet pea!
I'm realizing more and more, how incredibly important it is for me as a mom and more importantly, me as a person, to have some times where I refresh my heart. Whether that is going over to see a girlfriend and swapping stories about staying in your pj's til 3, telling of all the weird places we've nursed our little munchkins or how now as a mom you actually need the extra large bathroom stall at the mall. Before baby, it's was just seen as the prize stall, Now, it's a desperate necessity if you have a stroller, baby bag, plus whatever items you're towing around. Going out to get myself a latte or just running up to the grocery store by myself can prove quite rejuvenating, giving my Jess meter a rise of energy. There have been days and weeks though where the only time I get to recharge is taking myself into the unused nursery and sitting in the oh so comfy nursing chair, with the lights off and enjoying the stillness. Baths are another get away I enjoy.
Laughing and relating while enjoying these fabulous cupcakes that Jessie made were definitely a charge to my happy battery.
I'm finding that it's really important to not lose yourself altogether in mommy-hood. Who you are is what makes you the unique and amazing mommy you become. A sane mommy is better than a lost one, left asking, "who am I now?". If locking yourself in the bathroom when your hubby comes home (so he can watch your little sweetie), running the bath water and lighting a few 1 dollar, smelly good candles for half an hour keeps you sane...then you have to make time for that.
I had a melt down tonight - I felt overwhelmed, lost and stuck in a rut. I totally love momminess, don't get me wrong. There are just so many ups and downs when you are taking care of a little baby 24/7. It's amazingly wonderful and painfully draining at the same time. On the days when I can't seem to figure out how to make my little boy happy for any long period of time, I look at my friends who don't have kids yet - some married, some not. The married ones talk about missing their sweet hearts while at work or how they are frustrated with this or that. I want to yell, "At least when you see them you get to spend undivided time with them, short or long!" I didn't realize how hard that part would be on me.
When my love comes home, we're both so exhausted, and we have a little person that needs tending to. It's not like you can press the pause button. So, I barely have time to reconnect with him each day. The single friends (plus some married ones) are off going out and about, exploring life. They are doing things that we had dreamed of doing, that will just have to wait a while. Of course when you're in the midst of a melt down, it seems unending and larger than life. My man just listened to me cry as I sat curled up in that nursing chair, in the dark. He held me and loved me through it. It ended with a spontaneous tickle match on the floor, which was utter heaven to my soul.
Noah, Jessie's little boy, loving on his little sister Sparrow
Sayin' hey to the Forest boy. Just last night while I was at Jessie's house for a meeting, Noah came over, out of the blue and gave Káel a sweet kiss on the head.
Noah LOVES his trains! Jessie says the first word he says in the morning when he wakes up is, "Traaaaaains!!!"
I remember the first week I had Káel. I called Jessie to ask her a question about being a new mommy, holding back tears to seem strong... The phone call ended with me pouring my heart out in tears and Jessie, just being Jessie -listening, encouraging me, giving me hope (not unrealistic solutions), telling me that I could do it and not to be hard on myself. I was going through a breast feeding crisis at the time and she gently guided me through my hormonal storm of emotion, back to the harbor of temporary sanity.
Oh, Miss Jessie Mathis, you are a joy and treasure of a friend!
I was just talking to a girlfriend who recently had a baby and she was telling me how she never expected having a baby would be this hard. She had always pictured that "having a baby" would be this magical, romantic experience. Filled with heavenly coos and giggles. Suddenly the real world of no sleep, sore boobies, and emotional upheavals smacked her in the face.
Motherhood is totally worth it. Hard, but worth it. The moment I feel like I'm going to pull out my hair, Káel will look up at me and smile like I'm the only person in the world. All of a sudden, I forget all my stress. Who cares if i continually lose his pacifiers, or every bottle is forever freaking dirty? This little person loves me, and I couldn't be more head over heals..
Check out Sparrow's Blog and stay updated on how she and her family are doing! It's an amazing journey you don't want to miss! Pass her story along - this little girl is incredible!
You can also grab her button off the side of my blog and share it on yours!