Dear Cedar

posted on: Sunday, October 7, 2012


Cedar,

Your bright little soul has brought so much light into my heart. When I kiss your sweet cheeks and look into your blue eyes, I can feel so much goodness. Watching you sleep is kinda like a drug to me...you're simply addicting. I love you more than I thought possible. But, knowing my heart the way I do, and even the way I don't quite yet...I know there's so much more love to happen between you and me and that makes me so excited. I'm so thankful for you sweet boy. People say all the time that children are a gift, but you really and truly are a gift to me more than I've ever understood the word to mean. I'm so glad you came exactly when you did, my little miracle. You are the meaning of "new" to me.

There is a unique excitement that I have when we spend time together and I think about all the wonders you haven't experienced yet. There are trees waiting for you to climb them, snowmen for you to build and ice cream for you to taste. There are knees to be scraped from fun adventures and silly things for you and your brother to laugh at. Your eyes will sparkle the first time you realize you can walk all by yourself. The feeling you get in your heart when you've comforted someone you love will be thrilling. I think that will be one of your gifts in life, because that's who you have been to be from the moment I first felt you dance in my tummy. So much love is waiting for you Cedar, so much love. And my one and only goal and dream in life is for you and your brother to know it as yours. My prayer countless times a day is Lord, more than anything, let my boys know they are loved.

Right now you are next to me, dreaming asleep...and your brother is antsy, trying to figure out what he wants from the moment. Your daddy is creating something lovely and now, I realize I haven't even begun to understand what good means because, I feel it more today than I have in my entire life.  Sweet boy, thank you for being a kiss of healing to me. I can't wait to watch you discover and enjoy this journey.

With all my soul and truest heart, I love you Cedar. Happy 1 month.

-Momma

PS.
This song below is the song I sang the entire time I was pregnant with you Cedar. I'd sing it any time my heart felt happy or broken.  It still makes me bawl like a baby and smile, as I look at you here with me. You are my springtime and the sweet promise of Jesus making all things new.

Well I feel a warm wind blowin'
Melting all the sadness off of my soul
and I smell the sweet cherry blossoms
pouring all their gladness, into my soul

In winter I believe you 
In springtime I see you
It's so good to be with you
my hope has come
Lord you make all things new
Your love is my breakthrough
Now I sing Hallelujah
My hope has come

Well I've walked through the valley of the shadow
And I have been tested like silver and gold
Lord your faith has taught me to cherish
that this light affliction is not my home

I'm not gonna give in to this mortal frustration 
And I'm not gonna give death any standing ovation
I will lift my soul God, with no hesitation
because between you and me there's no separation 

11 thoughts:

  1. Oh wow, such a lovely song! Isn't it amazing how God knows exactly what blessings to give us so that we'll love them the most...

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  2. That song makes me bawl every time. Amen to hope and springtime and all things new. <3

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  3. AMAZING PHOTOS!!!! It is the most amazing thing in world to see these small babies develop their personality from fragile small lumps to wonderous tiny people <3

    www.theibizamom.blogspot.com

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  4. Beautiful post...beautiful song! Thanks so much for sharing Jess!

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  5. Great post and pictures! That baby has some very beautiful blue eyes. I'd love to meet the new mr. Gatlyn, it'll give me a reminder on how to care for such little ones, with my new one coming next April.

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  6. Jess, I know just how you feel! All my children have been a blessing and a healing to my heart in their own way but when Levi came I needed him, we all did! He came at just the right time! Love you and and I am sooooooooo beyond happy for you!!! <3

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  7. Hi Jess, you have such a bright and encouraging way of writing and posting pictures! I can't stop looking at page after page :) So happy for you and your growing family :) I love the song as well, Music like that...I love! Have a fabulous weekend!! Lindsey

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  8. Love, love, love this! So sweet and so much love for your baby boy.

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