Moments are treasures to me and I feel that life should be experienced to the fullest in each moment, within the moment. I want my experiences to really be enjoyed and landmarked in my heart, not just a shrug of the shoulders type of normalcy. Even though, especially as a mom, I find myself having to make a concious choice several times a day (or night) to think differently than just the norm. Each second should be taken advantage of to the fullest.
I want to soak up every second of everything with Káel right now. Even at 4 am when I'm dead beat tired and my little boy needs me to snuggle him for a few minutes...um, yes. Oh dear Lord yes. That happened last night. My teething little sir needed me to hold him and comfort him. All of a sudden I found myself with his head nuzzling in my neck, one hand clinging to one shoulder of my pajamas and the other playing with the curls on my neck...he was breathing heavy and tired sighs that had those delicious hints of happiness because momma was there. Everything was ok. Me? I was in the highest heaven. All of a sudden as I realized what was happening in this glorious moment, my tiredness was forgotten and my blurry eyes widened in smiles. He was enjoying my love for him.
6 months old...really? How did this happen so fast?
One day he's happy content in my lap with one little, simple toy. The next day he's scootin' across the floor exploring the kitchen (oh, goodness...) and holding his own bottle and thinking himself quite the stud for doing so. ;) No more swaddling for this big boy...it's all sprawled out and upside down from here on out. Oh, did I mention he eats like a little horse? He LOVES food. His favorite toy is a big, hard, plastic Woody doll from Toy Story and his Fisher Price milk truck (without the milk cans in it.). Haha. All of his little likes and dislikes that are starting to show through make me giggle.
Gah, what's happening to me? Jess, you're lost. You're lost in a tidal wave of love and emotions that have never hit you like this before. I look at Sam when he is cuddling Forest and I see that he is as lost as I am, and it's wonderful. In the middle of this wonderful is a little bit of sadness, at least for me. We aren't going to have these moments forever. These moments, of course will be replaced by more amazing times, different but amazing still the same. But...different.
Oh, sweetheart...my little man, I can't begin to tell you how much I fall in love with your little face each morning and how you have messed up my whole world with love. Yep, I'm crying right now. You'll probably shake your head and give me loving laughs later in life when you hear me tell you about all this, but...I've become a mushy mommy. I never cried like this before, I promise. It was you. All you little sir. But, I think it's a rather good thing. (Now, since I stopped breast feeding you, I don't ruin my shirt every time I have one of these moments, I just ruin my makeup.) haha. I love my life, I love you baby boy.