Dear Cedar

Cedar,

Your bright little soul has brought so much light into my heart. When I kiss your sweet cheeks and look into your blue eyes, I can feel so much goodness. Watching you sleep is kinda like a drug to me...you're simply addicting. I love you more than I thought possible. But, knowing my heart the way I do, and even the way I don't quite yet...I know there's so much more love to happen between you and me and that makes me so excited. I'm so thankful for you sweet boy. People say all the time that children are a gift, but you really and truly are a gift to me more than I've ever understood the word to mean. I'm so glad you came exactly when you did, my little miracle. You are the meaning of "new" to me.

There is a unique excitement that I have when we spend time together and I think about all the wonders you haven't experienced yet. There are trees waiting for you to climb them, snowmen for you to build and ice cream for you to taste. There are knees to be scraped from fun adventures and silly things for you and your brother to laugh at. Your eyes will sparkle the first time you realize you can walk all by yourself. The feeling you get in your heart when you've comforted someone you love will be thrilling. I think that will be one of your gifts in life, because that's who you have been to be from the moment I first felt you dance in my tummy. So much love is waiting for you Cedar, so much love. And my one and only goal and dream in life is for you and your brother to know it as yours. My prayer countless times a day is Lord, more than anything, let my boys know they are loved.

Right now you are next to me, dreaming asleep...and your brother is antsy, trying to figure out what he wants from the moment. Your daddy is creating something lovely and now, I realize I haven't even begun to understand what good means because, I feel it more today than I have in my entire life.  Sweet boy, thank you for being a kiss of healing to me. I can't wait to watch you discover and enjoy this journey.

With all my soul and truest heart, I love you Cedar. Happy 1 month.

-Momma

PS.
This song below is the song I sang the entire time I was pregnant with you Cedar. I'd sing it any time my heart felt happy or broken.  It still makes me bawl like a baby and smile, as I look at you here with me. You are my springtime and the sweet promise of Jesus making all things new.

Well I feel a warm wind blowin'

Melting all the sadness off of my soul

and I smell the sweet cherry blossoms

pouring all their gladness, into my soul

In winter I believe you 

In springtime I see you

It's so good to be with you
my hope has come

Lord you make all things new

Your love is my breakthrough

Now I sing Hallelujah

My hope has come

Well I've walked through the valley of the shadow

And I have been tested like silver and gold

Lord your faith has taught me to cherish

that this light affliction is not my home

I'm not gonna give in to this mortal frustration 

And I'm not gonna give death any standing ovation

I will lift my soul God, with no hesitation

because between you and me there's no separation