I'm Here

I'm laying here, in bed at 8:30 pm. I probably haven't gone to bed this early, on a consistent basis or at all, since I was a little kid. But, I find I'm worlds less grumpy and much nicer at 3am when I hit the sack during Cedar's first bed time shift, which is usually 8-12am. So, as I lay here, my sweet, amazing husband is giving Kael a bath. Hearing Kael's squeals and giggles is making my heart burst. Nothing is better than daddy time for Forest boy, nothing. Especially since Cedar has joined the family. Gosh, how did this much goodness happen?

There is so much I want to write down, and I will...but I've been adjusting to being a mom and love of two boys, well...3 actually. ;) Motherhood has taken on a whole new meaning to me this chapter. In the moments when I find myself wanting to cry because I just want an hour more of sleep or when I realize that it's 4pm and all I've worn all day is half of a nursing bra and stretched out underwear from my pregnancy, the times when I can count more dirty diapers in my living room than I can number of showers I've taken this week...I look at this tiny new face and instantly am flooded with a reality of love. A love that realizes that Cedar could have just been a lost dream and what would my heart give to have just one moment with him crying in my arms than to have no moments at all with him. I don't know if it's like a kiss on the lips or a smack in the face but, it hits me just the same. I'm clinging to every moment with a passion of being present with my sons. I want to soak up these new born days. I know how they zoom by, good lord they go so fast.

I've got to say, little new born, velvety heads are the best things on the planet. How did I forget how heavenly they are?! My gosh! And their little faces when they dream...sigh, I can't take it. In all this craziness there is so much to wonder at. Dang.

I'm going to sleep now. I'll have lots of stories to share soon. I just wanted to write down some random musings while I had a chance.

Night.

xoxo
Jess

My 2 week old wonder

Cedar

Cedar Dov

cedar, cedar tree, sweet strength --dov, (pronounced as, "i dove into the lake") hebrew word for bear 

September 6th early in the morning at 5:03 am we partied it up as our second son, Cedar Dov Gatlyn was born!

 It was a crazy fast labor (I didn't even believe it was real labor for over half of the time, total denial! haha. But, I'll share more of his birth story a wee bit later.) I have to say, his birth was probably the most wonderful, redemptive and perfect time of my life and I can't wait to write his story down! There is so much goodness woven all throughout it.

We are home, resting and enjoying the early days as a family of four. I feel FANTASTIC, better than fabulous and my heart has expanded miles and miles, more than I thought it could. Round two as a new mom the second time around is so surreal and so much more of a peaceful transitioning time for me, it's been so peaceful. Forest boy needs to go to bed now, so I'm going to keep this entry short and sweet. I wanted to share a tiny snippet of celebration before writing the whole shebang down.



xoxo
Jess

Cedar,
You are perfect. It was a fabulous party wasn't it? We all had so much fun celebrating your journey out here into the world! I haven't stopped smiling since you turned up the music and let me know you were coming. Good night my little bear. We'll have so much fun for all the tomorrows!

Momma